The Samizdat interview with Jesus the Christ
Tony Schermetzler: Good Afternoon, and thank you for agreeing to talk to this little virtual radio program.
Jesus The Christ: No problem, but lets keep this between you and me. If people knew I was down here there could be quite a ruckus.
TS: No problem Jesus.
JTC: Please… Call me Jeese.
TS: All right Jeese. Now lets talk about the new film The Passion of the Christ.
JTC: Naa, what else ya got?
TS: [laughs] Now Jeese, you have to admit that it is a pretty big story.
JTS: Yeah, it’s all over the place. You know what they say: "There’s no such thing as bad press." I guess it should make that Gibson fellow plenty rich.
TS: is that something of concern for you? Does it raise any moral objections?
JTC: Moral objections? Not really, unless it is morally wrong for me to be excited about Mel burning in hell for all eternity.
TS: So it’s eternal damnation for Mr. Gibson?
JTC: He was heading in that direction already for What Women Want, but The Passion… pretty much sealed the deal.
TS: So you get movies up in heaven?
JTC: Well, who do you think puts them on Kazaa?
TS: I wondered about that.
JTC: Seriously though, it amazes me how interested people become in the scripture once it becomes a major motion picture. People don’t even hesitate to drop 30 dollars on movie tickets and snacks to have a religious experience. If that’s what it’s all about for you, then great! Someone should tell the pope. We can really get those numbers up.
TS: Some historians have raised concerns about the historical inaccuracy in the film.
JTC: Have you read The Bible?
TS: What about allegations that the film is anti-Semitic?
JTC: As a Jew myself, I did find it a bit offensive. It brought back some painful memories. In the last few years there has been a lot of glamorization of my crucifixion. Let me just be real clear on this. That whole thing was a real bitch. It was a long time ago, though, and I’m ready to put it behind me.
TS: But we just keep bringing it up again.
JTC: Exactly. Can’t we talk about something else cool that I did.
TS: Unfortunately we are almost out of time. I want to thank Mr. The Christ for stopping by the program. And now you’re off to San Francisco?
JTC: Yes. I have some marriages to bless.
TS: Thanks again Jeese, I hope to see you again soon.
JTC: [winks] But not too soon.
Jesus The Christ: No problem, but lets keep this between you and me. If people knew I was down here there could be quite a ruckus.
TS: No problem Jesus.
JTC: Please… Call me Jeese.
TS: All right Jeese. Now lets talk about the new film The Passion of the Christ.
JTC: Naa, what else ya got?
TS: [laughs] Now Jeese, you have to admit that it is a pretty big story.
JTS: Yeah, it’s all over the place. You know what they say: "There’s no such thing as bad press." I guess it should make that Gibson fellow plenty rich.
TS: is that something of concern for you? Does it raise any moral objections?
JTC: Moral objections? Not really, unless it is morally wrong for me to be excited about Mel burning in hell for all eternity.
TS: So it’s eternal damnation for Mr. Gibson?
JTC: He was heading in that direction already for What Women Want, but The Passion… pretty much sealed the deal.
TS: So you get movies up in heaven?
JTC: Well, who do you think puts them on Kazaa?
TS: I wondered about that.
JTC: Seriously though, it amazes me how interested people become in the scripture once it becomes a major motion picture. People don’t even hesitate to drop 30 dollars on movie tickets and snacks to have a religious experience. If that’s what it’s all about for you, then great! Someone should tell the pope. We can really get those numbers up.
TS: Some historians have raised concerns about the historical inaccuracy in the film.
JTC: Have you read The Bible?
TS: What about allegations that the film is anti-Semitic?
JTC: As a Jew myself, I did find it a bit offensive. It brought back some painful memories. In the last few years there has been a lot of glamorization of my crucifixion. Let me just be real clear on this. That whole thing was a real bitch. It was a long time ago, though, and I’m ready to put it behind me.
TS: But we just keep bringing it up again.
JTC: Exactly. Can’t we talk about something else cool that I did.
TS: Unfortunately we are almost out of time. I want to thank Mr. The Christ for stopping by the program. And now you’re off to San Francisco?
JTC: Yes. I have some marriages to bless.
TS: Thanks again Jeese, I hope to see you again soon.
JTC: [winks] But not too soon.
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