Samizdat State of the Union Broadcast

Part I:
-J. loves the rhetoric, loves the terror
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Part II:
-Tony's moral conundrums
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Part III:
-The duo wraps it up
-Top 10 things you didn't hear in the State of the Union
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The Extended Samizdat Holiday

...(or, Tony and Justin's lessons on how to not have time OR money... only $19.95, plus S+H)

Greetings, ladies and gents. [Justin] here. Tony and I have a lovely show lined up for you. It involves Constitutional amendments, the invasion of Mars, and a new Top 10 List.

However, we've decided to push that show back in order to offer up our reactions to the State of the Union address. I'll have to watch the re-runs, because I'll be working. And I'm probably the only American upset that I'm missing it.

Anyway, in light of the holiday... what? Oh, you forgot that today is a holiday. Or maybe your state begrudgingly celebrates it. At Samizdat, we would be remiss if we didn't acknowledge and celebrate the visionary that was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Take it away, Tony.

Fight the war in Iraq on this day more than ever: A lie to the American people that has already left 500 Americans dead, and at least 20,000 dead or injured Iraqis. In honor of Dr. King's legacy of non-violent resistance, spend 10 minutes today reminding others that we are in a war based on lies and greed.

Even if you believe that the war was a necessary evil, pick up the latest issue of The Atlantic. On whichever side of the war debate you fall, it's sobering to see how this administration went in with faulty intelligence and without a post-war plan.

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
--Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

Samizdat Playlist: 9-Jan-2004

What radio show would be complete without music? Here's a list of tunes that Tony and Justin are currently groovin' on. Make a comp CD and listen to it while you enjoy the latest Samizdat broadcasts:

[Tony]:	[Justin]:
"Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl" - Broken Social Scene "Sleeping In" - The Postal Service "Death of an Interior Decorator" - Death Cab For Cutie "Bad Day" - R.E.M. "Anywhere Anyone" - Dntel "As Time Goes By" - Louis Armstrong "Injured Bird" - Michael Stipe with Vic Chestnut "Stop Playing Guitar" - The Promise Ring "Scatterbrain" - Radiohead "Because" - Elliott Smith	"I Should Be Allowed to Think" - They Might Be Giants "the District Sleeps Alone Tonight" - The Postal Service O.M.P.S. - the Return of the King "Dead Disco" - Metric "Them & Us" - Bad Religion "Sorry Sorry" - Rooney "Don't You Feel My Leg" - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy "Rave On" - The Raveonettes O.M.P.S. - Angels in America "The Irrationality of Rationality" - NOFX

Samizdat Radio Broadcast: 9-Jan-2004

Part I:
-Welcome to the Samizdat!
-No news is good news.
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Part II:
-Put in a couple quarters, win a kid!
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Part III:
-Oscar goes even more Hollywood (somehow)
-Top 10 signs that something is very, very wrong at DisneyWorld
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Meet the Voices: Tony

What do I know about Tony? Let's see...

If I had to describe his creative process, I'd have to remember the time when he had to write a script. He had a half-dozen cans of soda, downing two at a time. He was all over the room, scribbling on chalkboards, writing on any blank piece of paper he could find. All the while, he ranted incoherently. It was a beautiful, disturbing sight.

Tony really had a problem with caffeinated soda. After a while, he was up to a case per day. It was out of control. Thankfully, we've got him off the soda kick. All we had to do was get him addicted to coffee.

Anyway, I first met the young Tony in kindergarten. That day, he had to sit in the hall because the teacher put his name on the board (with a checkmark!). Tony's crime was that he never talked. Ever. Fortunately, this process reversed itself, and Tony's mouth is now a registered deadly weapon.

In grade school, he (and the librarian) got me hooked on philatelism (stamps). Luckily, I shook that addiction before it got expensive. However, he also introduced me to cuss words, evil music, and caffeine. The only vice I developed without him was drinking. I did that on my own.

In high school, we had a radio show. It was brilliant. He was funny, I was the straight man.

After Samizdat went off the air, I heard that Tony went to college. He never finished, and when I asked him why, his cryptic response was that it had to do with the movie Twister and the words "study its merits in film class." There was a fell light in hs eyes, so I dropped the subject.

Currently, Tony spends a lot of time managing a movie rental store, watching movies, bitching about movies, and taking dates to movies. Oh, he also abuses the local pet populace. I'd condemn him for it, but his poodle flambe is just so damned tasty.

--[Justin]

Meet the Voices: Justin

I have the distinct privilege of writing the life story of Mr. Justin. By distinct, I mean, "dis stinks;" and if you think this stinks, you should try living with him.

Let's start at the beginning. Justin was born at a very young age. After a few years of puking on himself and being unable to control his bowel movements, he became a young man. Born and raised by wolves in a convent on Alcatraz, he decided to break away and move in with the people he now calls his family.

Those people did all they could to keep Justin from returning to his animal instincts. He took a liking to a young librarian by the name of Ms. Keifer. She introduced Justin to the wonders of collecting stamps. Justin's collection quickly grew as he saved his nickels to buy stamp tongs, hinges, and perforation guides.

Helluva speller, Justin was. He managed to spell the crap out of the entire elementary school.

Time moved on, and Justin realized that collecting stamps wasn't so cool. He began to do other things... like snorting cocaine and train-jumping. That was a bad year. But he grew out of that and became a theatre guy. Don't get me wrong; I mean, he still likes chicks, he's just a theatre guy.

During high school, he teamed up with the comic brilliance that is Tony to form Samizdat Radio. It became the highest-rated high school radio show on at that time in the entire county. Millions of people tuned into the radio, some to the show. It ran for a couple years, until the duo parted ways.

Justin went to the hallowed halls of Bowling Green State University, where he studied acting. After sleeping with a number of professors and paying off the right people, Justin managed to get a degree. It was the proudest moment in the wolves' lives.

After graduation, Justin moved to the bustling metropolis of Pittsburgh. There he is using his acting skills to mask his contempt for the customers and manager at his retail job. He reunited with the amazing Mr. Tony in a very heterosexual living arrangement. He lives there now, drinking lots of energy drinks and eating as much cheese as possible.

--[Tony]

...we now interrupt these current lack of updates for a message from the Samizdat Radio headquarters in Pittsburgh, PA...

Greetings. Tony's on a date, and I just finished the dishes. How's that for excitement?

Ohhhhh, but we have a plethora of goodies in production at the Samizdat studios. The big news is the premiere broadcast of Samizdat Radio, v2.0. We've got some fun topics, including not-so-current-or-relevant events, reflections on a crappy year, our biases for the awards season, and (of course) the Samizdat Top Ten List. (Any similarity to a certain late night show on CBS is coincidental. We swear.)

That's not all. We've got some non-audio content a-brewing. The life stories of the Voices that host, the Samizdat playlist for this week, and other things to hot for television.
--[Justin]

What is Samizdat Radio?

We're willing to bet that most of you know Samizdat only as a rumor, a faded memory, or something that drunk guy once told you about. How do we define it? Good question. Let's consult the 1998 yearbook from Sheboygan North High School to find an answer:

Friday nights the Samizdat show, which discussed, in depth, important current events, was hosted by seniors Tony [surname deleted] and Justin [surname deleted].

There you have it. It's from a writer that loves the comma, but never bothered to listen to the show. If you want what we think, Samizdat is closer to The Daily Show, just further from the truth. And we cover less relevant news.

(Sentence reprinted without permission from Polaris '98. They never listened to us. We don't need none of their "permission," no how.)